Someone is Attacking Me

I'm convinced someone is attacking me in my sleep. I just found another bruise on my body. My uppper thigh. I have no idea where they are coming from. I used to get them when I fought with my friend but we haven't done that in years and I can't remember the last time I saw her actually. So it can't be her. I'm not having sex so that's not the cause. I haven't played sports so...not it. I can come to only one logical conclusion, someone is attacking me in my sleep.

And why do I always noticed said bruises when I'm going pee? I whip down my pants, sit down and oh, there's another damn bruise. I have another one practically in my armpit. A spot that makes no sense. Like even if someone grabbed me they couldn't get a bruise there. I'd like to know who the hell is attacking me in my sleep. Maybe it's me, attacking myself. Do you think? No I think it makes more sense that someone is attacking me in my sleep.

What's with people getting up a bagillion times during a movie? You couldn't go to the bathroom before the movie? The bathroom was literally right next to the theatre. ON YOUR WAY to your seat! It's one thing if you have a little kid, I'll forgive your poor judgment on that one. But I'm talking adults and teenagers. The movie wasn't that long. I go the whole day at work without going to the bathroom, surely these people can last two and a half hours.

Why do kids ask so many questions? How are they oblivious to how extremely annoying they are. If I were a parent I'd yell STOP ASKING SO MANY QUESTIONS! And then I'd say "Go ask your father."

I took my friend's kid to Playdium yesterday. Fucking Awesome. I forgot how fun that place is. To be honest the kid cramped my style and slowed me down. But it was her birthday so she gets a free pass. For those of you who don't know, Playdium is this giant place with tons of different games. There are shooting games, dancing games, car racing games. It's wicked. It also has those games where you win tickents and then can get toys and shit. We found this one game where you win tons of tickets practically everytime. Anyway the games were a bit beyond her grasp, she's 9. She didn't quite get that you have to reload your gun to shoot the zombies. I want to go back sans little kids. I love shit like that. I could have spent craploads of money there, but I didn't. I was careful.

Isn't it awesome when you can get away with not buying a kid a gift, and your gift to them is that they get to spend the day with you? What a gyp to them. Suckers! I spent a little more than I would have on a gift but I had fun so that makes it worth it. When you get a kid a toy what fun is that for you? After Playdium we went to A&W for lunch...cheap again, then to Walmart so she could buy herself some shit she doesn't need with her newly acquired birthday money, and to my house for a swim. At that point I was freakin tired. I had a long week. Then the other two kids wanted to come for a swim so I had to entertain for longer. Then I went to their place for a giant steak dinner. When I say giant I mean it. The steak was bigger than the plate. It was hanging over the edge. It wasn't some small plate either. I literally had meat for dinner....MMMMMMMMM.

What did you do on your Sunday?