A Confession of Sorts

I have some bitching to do about Starting Over today but first I'll start with something that made me think.

They were talking about feeling loved by the people around you. Questions are risky but create intamacy between you and whoever. You have to have the balls to put yourself out there and risk hearing something not so great from the people you love. That's a tough one for me for sure. I've very guarded. I'm not willing to be rejected or vulnerable. Anyone who ends up having the balls to ask me the questions they KNOW i will not answer very willingly is a great person in my opinion.

First and foremost this is Sissy by far she has gone the whole nine yards and much more. I really do admire her determination. She just does not give up and you know what? I may really get annoyed but I think we have become very close in a short amount of time because of it. It's probably made our friendship very strong and you know I should thank her for that. For not giving up as easily as others and making sure she gets what she wants from me. Over the short amount of time we've known each other she has learned a lot of things about me that even my best friend doesn't know. Simply because she wouldn't give up.

I'm not quite sure why any of them stick around me. I am really quite difficult. I hate talking about my feelings and most people don't know how i really feel about them or a situation. sure they can ask but most times i'll not tell them, lie, or change the subject. it's hard totally opening yourself up to someone, no one really knows the real me. I'm much better than i used to be but still have a long way to go. If i were my friend i'd feel ripped off.

so a round of applause goes to Sissy for not giving up until she gets an answer to her question. And i really do mean that, she has literally spent over an HOUR trying to get the answer to just ONE question from me. now if that isn't determination i don't know what is. We don't talk much anymore, alas life has made us both busy, we don't have those kinds of conversations anymore, i can't say i'm THAT dissapointed i'm missing out on those conversations that last hours with her getting pissed at me that i won't answer her question.

ok so on a subject which ISN'T about me, that fucking jodie isn't leaving starting over. fucking bitch, she is such a godamed tease. all this boo hoo'ing and she ends up staying. and to top it off kelly likes her now and feels "compassion" for her cuz of all her stupid crying about bethany leaving. LAME.

but i can't wait until tomorrow's episode. bethany's replacement arrives. she's not there an hour and people are calling her arrogant and shallow. its gonna be so good. i hope everyone hates her and there are big fights. the fights are good. THERE BETTER BE A FIGHT, i need to be cheered up.

Sean brought up a good point recently about my move in the office. he reminded me that i was so upset about sharing this office with NC and now i'm upset about leaving the office. let's set something straight these are the things i love about the office
-we can shut the door
-its quiet
-people can't see what i'm looking at on my computer
-people don't realize i'm not working the whole time
-we can play music without having to listen on the headphones
-i can talk on the phone and actually HEAR what the person is saying to me
-there aren't a ton of people around me to distract me when i'm on the phone
-MY BOSS ISN'T SITTING IN THERE WITH US

These are the things that i don't like about the office
-NC asks me retarded questions ALL the time.
-when i need to talk to my boss she's friggen far away so its hard to talk to her
-the printer is way far away

So as you can see the pros definitely out weigh the cons. What am i going to hate about leaving the office? obviously i'm going to miss all the pros of being in there in the first place. I'll also miss being able to bitch about our boss.

but i'm a big fan of not having to answer NC's retarded questions and that's a HUGE pro. but all in all i still hate leaving the office cuz being in an office is definitely better than no office sitting in a fucking cubicle shared by four people.