Fan FUCKING Tastic

Well I went clothes shopping today. what a horrible experience. I mean you know you're fat, you can see yourself in the mirror, its not hard to miss. But clothes shopping is a whole new way of seeing just how fat you are.

There really aren't any good clothes for fat people. i find that surprising since the majority of north americans are overweight.

After shopping for clothes I always end up feeling so disgusting and overbese. people who love clothes shopping must be stick people. no way in hell someone of my size would enjoy searching searching searching and finally finding something you think might just fit that doesn't look ugly and then to have your hopes smashed like a rock to glass.

what a horrible day i've had. i could only handle three clothes stores before i had to stop. utterly depressing. so many things i liked but just could not fit into. then i started thinking wtf have i been killing myself working out for? nothing it seems since no weight loss of inch loss. this sucks, i hate my body.

i've heard there are some cultures that admire the overbese, i'm seriously considering finding out which ones and moving there. if i can't lose weight i might as well go somewhere i'll be appreciated. maybe it wont' be so hard to find clothes too.

this also got me to thinking about how utterly useless "getting your hopes up" really is. i mean hope just ends up in dissapointment 99% of the time doesn't it? how often do your hopes come true? ..never..mine never have. i put a lot of effort into NOT having hopes. sure there are some, but a bare minimum...i hope for world piece...just kiddding that's like hoping you'll go through a whole day and not have to pay for a single thing. it just isn't going to happen...unless you don't go anywhere and by default don't have to pay for something but that's not what i mean.

the upside of having no hopes is if something actually does happen then its a pleasant surprise isnt it? and if it doesn't happen then you can have the satisfactin of being right in thinking it wouldn't happen.

this is all very depressing and i'm an incredibly depressing person. i encourage you all to head over to Beezaleez and check out a video clip she has there. it made me laugh pretty hard so hopefully you'll get a smile after this depressing post!! She's a pretty awsome person to know and i'm thankful she's in my life so get on ova there NOW!