friendship

Friendship is hard. this i have learned. I don't have a lot of friends, this is by choice. I know a lot of people say this. but its actually true with me. I don't have a lot of friends because in actuallity i hate people. i couldn't handle a lot of friends. I'm not one of those people who has a ton of friends but no really "good" friends. i don't know how those people can do it. ...to never really know someone really well...how can you trust them?

trust is a big thing with me...i still don't tell my best friend of 10+ years EVERYTHING, i feel bad about that, but its just the way i am. i have a hard time with it. i'm sure it would be different if we were talking everyday but we're not.if u don't ask me stuff i won't tell you...most times i'm pretty honest unless its something extremely personal in which case i might lie. if you're my best friend you'd probably know if i was lying in which case you'd call me on it. its not easy to be my best friend....ask my best friend. I'm sure she wishes she wasn't my best friend in fact.

to tell you the truth i'm really clueless as to why anyone calls myself their friend. that's the honest truth. it really makes no sense to me. i'm mean, sometimes rude, blunt, competitive...blah blah blah could go on but i'm too lazy to. i don't get it. i guess it's their own fault if they get hurt. i seriously warn people before they truly decide to be my friend. my friendship comes with a disclaimer.

well anyway what the fuck was this post about anyway? my best friend and i, that's what. its kind of weird with us right now. we fight a lot. but only through msn and email. go figure, the two forms of communication that don't include human to human interaction. we fight in person too. it usually involves hitting each other. it starts with her hitting me. me letting her get away with a couple of hits until one really hurts then me trying to get her back and her PLEADING with me to not get her back because she knows i'm WAY stronger than she is.

i think that some poeople think we're lesbians or something. we fight like we're a couple. its kind of weird. but it is what it is. i don't mind. in fact its kind of funny to see people's reactions.

I've had a lot to drink and i'm not quite sure what my point was. something about friendship and how much i love my best friend but we have a weird relationship. i'm pretty sure that's what i was tyring to say.

I have to go to bed now, the alcohol has reached my eye lids and from there its a downhill battle. to sean i will say i'm sorry, i missed heros tonight. i will try to download it though. I watched it last week and it was awsome!