Sunday, January 21, 2007

A Change

Today I had the urge to clean up my room. I could barely get to my bed from the door. it was pretty bad. I'm not even half way done. I stopped because i was hungry and bored. i hate cleaning. I also found some pictures of my grandma and me when i was little. that put a damper on things. I miss her. I miss hearing her stories, even if she told them over and over again.

I also decided to rip a bunch of things off my wall. they've been there for at least 5 years. I also decided that i am sick of sleeping on a makeshift bed which consists of a box spring and a mattress. I'm going to get my bed re-upholstered. If no one will help me or they are too damn lazy which is most likely the case, then i'll figure it out and do it on my own. I'll research it if i have to because i'm sick of not having a real bed to sleep on. Actually. i don't care but it pisses me off how the mattress slips and slides off the box spring. that's what i'm sick of. My birthday is almost here and last year my parents bought me the fabric to redo my bed...it still isn't done.

i don't usually tell people about my birthday. sometimes i'll tell people if i think they'll forget. but as a general rule no one is allowed to know. it is pissing me off that some people are finding out when it is. i don't get how. someone must be spilling the beans. I don't like people knowing because it's not a big deal. so i was born on that day...who cares. so i lived for another day, big whoop. i don't like people to make a bid deal out of it. i havn'te decided what i want to do this year. most likely nothing. probably a dinner at some restaurant with my parents. that will sum it up. maybe one day i'll think of something cool to do for my birthday. or a friend will get fed up with my lack of enthusiasm for my birth and kidnap me to some fun event.

That sounds like fun. i think i might do that for a friend. wouldn't that be fun to plan? some surprise weekend where you kidnap your friend who isn't allowed to know what's going on? good times.

I went to kareokee with janice and her husband saturday night. it was quite amusing. i haven't laughed that hard in ever. i reallly can't remember the last time. most likely it was with one of my bestestes but anyway it was hilarious. I got her to go up a couple times. she was so bad. not even a little bit good. one time she was a line behind the song. so funny. her husband and i burst out laughing. it was priceless. we're going to do it again whenever they're doing kareokee again there. i'll be sure to remember to bring the video camera.

then there was the goldschlager. i bought her a shot. she said she liked cinnamon hearts. the look on her face as it slid down her throat will forever be imprinted in my memory. that feeling you get in your stomach after you've laughed incredibly hard. where it feels like you did some serious ab work. a great night indeedly!

how was your saturday night?

Monday, January 15, 2007

Dropped off the face of the world

I just got a fortune cookie that says "Your heart is pure, and your mind is clear." How come these things are never even close with me? My heart couldn't be further from pure. I'm an asshole. I judge people. Laugh at little kids when they fall down....ITS FUNNY OK! Laugh at people when they get hurt. Don't have much sympathy for others. I could go on but i think i've proved beyond a shadow of a doubt I'm an asshole. I don't really understand why people even choose to hang around me let alone want to be my friend. It literally blows me away if i sit and think about it. - so i don't -

My friend thinks i've dropped off the face of the world, whatever that means. I wonder what the face of the world looks like. do you think it's an actual face? like god's face? and when you've dropped off it, that's when you get to see what god looks like? then you die and there's no heaven and god just laughs at you?

if you think someone has dropped off the face of the earth wouldn't you CALL them to make sure? my friend didn't. so that's why i laughed when i read her email. I know i didn't get a chance to call her but i doubt very much she just sat around waiting for my call. that would be awsome if someone did that. it would mean they really cared about my incoming call. Besides its not like she hasn't done that to me on more than on occasion...the one time i do it to her and i've dropped off the face of the earth.

If you've dropped off the face of the earth does that mean you like accidentally walked right off? or ...fell? well I guess not a fall because the you fell off the face of the earth. If i've dropped off the face of the earth did someone pick me up and drop me? praps an alien? (praps = perhaps) or maybe a giant?

I should probably stop with this whole face of the earth thing as i'm sure i'll get in a lot of trouble from my friend who reads this blog. oh and btw bad idea to tell your friends about your blog. i wish i hadn't. they catch you in so many things. and what if you just want to vent. they'll read it and take it personally or some crap like that.

You ever feel like you should be doing something but you just can't figure out what? There's something more but you're too stupid to figure it out? You're sure it's rather obvious but you're dumb and things dont' come easy to you? If so, welcome to my club. I don't knwo what it is. there's something not quite right. I'm not sure if it's my job which i'm not exactly happy at, my living situation which i'm not thrilled about, or what. i just can't get it. i feel like i'm being knocked over the head with it but don't have the right glasses to see it. I should see a psychic. maybe that way i'll finally get it.

Last time i saw a psychic for 10 mins and was told i need to do more painting...more? I don't paint. The only thing i've painted was a mural on my wall. The characters on it were fucking traced on i didn't even draw them. i think i needed more time with the dude. he did say shit about me that he couldn't have known so i was convinced he was the real mcdeal.

Well anyway, i'm tired, i've drank a lot and just want to sleep. I hope your lives are easier than mine and if they aren't then we should have a drink together!

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Waiting

I'm sitting here waiting for my laundry to dry so I can put the next batch in the dryer and go to bed. Lately I've been really tired. I don't know what it is. I don't do anything that would warrent being as tired as I am. I wonder if I have some sort of tired disease. I wouldn't mind that..."I can't come in to work today, I have tired disease."

I'm sitting here wondering what to write. Nothing really happened today that I want to talk about. It snowed. Now it's starting to feel more like winter. I hate winter drivers. It's retarded how some of them drive. The road could be bone drive, white from the salt and they'd still drive like it was slick with wet snow. I think people should just know that I'm coming and get the hell out of the way. If I ever get my hands on a siren I would totally abuse the power. A quick run to the corner store, flip on the siren. A 7 min drive the the liquor store...flip on the siren. That would be me.

I wonder if my laundry is ready to switch over. I wonder if they've thought of a faster way to do your laundry. Why does it have to take so long? Does anyone else hate doing laundry like i do? I'd rather do laundry than the dishes though. I hate doing the dishes. I wonder what it would be like to fly in a helicopter. I've heard it's kind of scary. I wonder what it's like to fly into a cloud. If I could fly like superman I'd always be in the clouds. Do you think it's cold in a cloud? I bet it's at least moist. If I could fly I'd be an ass and write rude comments on the outside of high rise building windows. I wonder how much those window washers get paid. The ones that have to start on the roof and descend down the side of a building. I bet it gets scary up there sometimes when it gets really windy. That would suck being up there working with water and it being cold. I bet you'd feel like you could never get warm. As I'm writing this Sean has commented on my last post. He's cool. Sounds like he'd be a fun person to know. One thing that's great about blogging is meeting new people. One thing that's shitty is they're usually way too far away that you could ever meet them. And would you want to meet them? For all you know they could be a psycho. I wonder how many psychos you meet in your life and never realize it. I'm not saying Sean is a psycho but I could be wrong I dont know. I wonder what it would be like to know everything. Most likely a boring life. Never learning anything new. I wish I was smart. I wish I was passionate about something. I admire those people who are really passionate about something. It's fun to watch them talk about wha they love. I wonder what it's like to be afraid of a lot of things. I wonder if there's something wrong with me that there really isn't anything i'm afraid of. Bugs don't scare me, small spaces don't scare me, germs don't scare me, I'm not a neat freak, rodents dont' bother me, snakes don't scare me, I'm not really afraid of hurting myself....I'll heal. So many people around me have a lot of fears and I really dont' know what that's like. I kind of feel sorry for them. They waste so much energy worrying and being scared. I used to be afraid of public speaking. I would shake and my voice would waver. One day I just decided that it was stupid to be afraid of that and I wasn't going to waste my energy on worrying and being nervous. Instead I would use that extra energy to make a better speach. It worked. I think I'm going to check on my laundry now. I really hate doing laundry.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Not Quite a Month

It hasn't quite been a month since i've updated so it's not that bad!

My new years was ass. what about yours? i had an awful migraine. I almost puked from the pain and worst yet i couldn't even drink. what a shitty year 2006 was. FUCK YOU 2006! 2007 is gonna be better. I know it. 7 is the best number so...it has to be better.

I spent the last 10 days cat'sitting for a coworker. I almost died and i kicked her cat. i think the cat still hates me and is holding a grudge. I felt bad. it was an accident. but it wasn't my fault she's practically all black and the lightbulb had literally blown up. i'm pretty sure she stepped infront of me. I think she was trying to trip me.

So after kicking the cat i decided it might be a good idea to change the lightbulb. of course it had to be the light over the damn stairs. thank GOD my friend happened to have a ladder handy. at first i was nervous to fall down the stairs. then when i opened up the light i was nervous of electrocuting myself. the stupid glass of the bulb had somehow separated itself from the metal twisty part. what the hell? how does that even happen? i mean i know when you try to untwist it that can happen but not before...right? quite the dilema...do i risk killing myself changing a lightbulb or risk killing the cat from my immense weight baring down on her. i decided i'd rather die than kill a friend's pet. at least when you're dead...you're dead. but if you kill a friend's animal you have to actually live with that. could you imagine her coming back from her trip to me telling her i stepped on her cat and killed it? how awful. i'll admit a bit commical but still horrible.

well anyway i changed it without killing myself. i was able to use a pair of pliers to get the metal twisty part out.

i quite enjoyed living on my own. it was nice. no one telling me what to do. not having to be considerate of other people. pretty nice. bittersweet really. on one hand i'm saving shit loads of money living at home with my parents, on the other hand i yearn for something different. what's a girl to do? i'm not complaining. the chick i work with lives alone and it sounds fucked up how expensive it is. i'd rather save right now and make sure i don't have to have any roomates. i've had very bad experiences with that and i vowed never again.

I'll leave you all with this question i asked the chick i work with today which she couldn't really answer so hopefully you can:

At which point does afternoon turn into evening? I mean to say, when do you stop saying good afternoon and start saying good evening? She said "when it's dark it's evening" but that would be at different times because in the summer it gets dark much later. so do you agree or have a different answer?