On the Lookout

So The Idol told me to watch Mr. Loudmouth and a chick that was on our 3-pitch team, before she left. I asked why and she said she thinks there is something going on or going to happen between them. Then I said well aren’t they both married and have kids? She said yes but she still thinks its going to happen. My only problem is I’m no where near these two people during the day so how can I “watch” for anything? I’ll have to figure something out. There are a couple people I know that always seem to know everything about this office and the people working in it. But they both are not here today so I’m stuck clueless until tomorrow until I can ask.

All last week the Psycho chick was away because she sprained her ankle. When I heard this I was confused because I didn’t understand why that would stop someone from being able to come to work. I’ve sprained my ankles very badly to the point of going into shock and I still did tons of stuff INCLUDING walking around. So anyway my inside source said she couldn’t come to work the whole day because she drives a car that is standard and I suppose it would hurt her foot to change gears. LAME very lame in deed. Well anyway I saw her yesterday and she looked fine, and everyone knows that a bad ankle sprain doesn’t just heal in a week it takes longer than that. Oh btw she apparently was running in a ditch and that’s why she sprained her ankle. Don’t ask me why she was running in a ditch it makes no sense to me either. Then today she comes in wearing the most ridiculous outfit I’ve ever seen her in. She’s not totally old but she was too old to be wearing clothes like that and it was really hard to not laugh at her when she said good morning. Good thing she’s out of the office today AGAIN. Must be nice to be able to just not work whenever you want.

Tear...

Today was officially the last day for The Idol. She’s gone. Now our lunch group is missing a person to help us make fun of people with. You always notice the loss of someone like that. The funny thing is she got stuck with the chick that no one likes for lunch. You see the chick that no one likes happens to be The Idol’s boss. She’d often hangs around The Idol and watches what she’s doing on her computer and talks to her about her kid. The chick that no one likes always has stupid stories about her kid that she makes everyone listen to. She literally could talk for hours about her kid if you let her. Well anyway I don’t feel bad for you Idol because you got a free going away lunch!!! And we had to stay here and dodge the tall creepy guy and get honked at from people driving past us while we’re eating our lunch outside!

But you shall be missed by the entire lunch posse! Anyone who makes me laugh is A-ok in my books! I’d better see you next year for the next company 3-pitch tourney! AHAHHAAHAHA maybe tall creepy guy will hurt himself again! That’s something to look forward to isn’t it? ISNT’ IT?

EWW

Well today I’ve had the pleasure of hearing Mr. Loudmouth telling everyone how to boil a fucking lobster. I’m sorry but if you can’t even do that you’re a moron. How hard is it to throw a lobster in some boiling water? A fucking little kid could do it. He was also talking about boiling them in salt water or sea water or some shit like that. We live in a landlocked province buddy so good luck getting your hands on some sea water dumbass! He then moved on to talking about eating bear and how it tastes greasy. Well what the fuck do you expect, those bears gotta live through the winter of course the meat is gonna be “greasy” THEY NEED FAT.

Yesterday I once again was caught by tall creepy guy. Normally when you see someone in the morning when you see someone they say “how are you?” you say “good, and you?” and they say “good” and that is the end of the conversation. But no, not with tall creepy guy. He says “oh I’ve been better” to which I reply “oh that’s too bad” (we’re talking as I’m putting my lunch into the fridge and he’s putting some company beverages into a different fridge) so after I say that’s too bad he proceeds to tell me about his fucking knees yet again. “My knees are half heeled, I just want to get back to normal” well no shit it taking awhile he doesn’t even clean it properly. I asked him if he disinfects it and he said “well I put water on it”. anyway that was off topic but ya he continues to blab on and on and on and by that time I’m slowly walking out of the kitchen because my lunch has been in the fridge for awhile now. Then I just got pissed and left and when I was at my desk I could still hear him talking to me. Whatever, he’s annoying.

THEN later in the day around lunch time I went to heat up my lunch and he was in there. I put it in the microwave and then went back to my desk because I didn’t want to stand around waiting for it to finish. He walked right behind me to my desk and then I sat down and he kept going. My boss looked at me and whispered “I think you have an admirer”. Shit man I better not that’s fucking sick. This guy is so gross. And I said “I know” in a really negative tone and then she said “don’t be so negative just be flattered” fuck that I’m no optimist there are just some people you don’t want attention from and HE IS ONE OF THEM.

Second Post...

Today at lunch we had a potluck lunch. I saw no neck guy again. I didn't want him anywhere near my food so I quickly hurried myself to a different room with my plate of goodies.

...its so damn creepy I don't knwo what else to say but EW..and CREEPY

On another note I didn't happen to hear about tall creepy guy's knees today. How refreshing. We only had to deal with him continously talking about the fucking food he brought for the GD potluck. So he brought these three ice creamish cakes. And he was trying to talk to me about how if one cake has this many pieces and there's this many people here then he of course has to bring more than one. Then he went around and told everyone that the cake was out. He was the only one who did that...its not like i'm goign to be going around saying ok guys my salad is out. Who does that? Fuck him and his stupid cakes I didn't have a piece.

No Neck

Yesterday I was sitting here just minding my own business working when a guy who works here walked past. I work pretty close to the front door so I often get a lot of traffic. But the thing about this guy was that he literally had no neck. And not the kind of “no neck” that body builders have which is also creepy looking. But the kind where someone really doesn’t have a neck. It seriously looked like someone chopped off his head, then chopped off his neck and then re-attached his head to the no neck area. Very creepy. I wonder how that happens. Like did he grow in the womb and get banged around so much that his neck just didn’t form? Maybe his mom was in a car accident and his head hit head on with the side of her womb and compacted the neck so much that it just never recovered. I don’t know but I hope I don’t see that guy again because I know I’ll just stare at him because it really does look odd. DON’T YOU MISS YOUR NECK? I guess not since you've probably lived your whole life like that.

What a FUCKING baby!

Fuck I swear to fucking god if I have to hear tall creepy guy complain about his fucking knees ONE MORE TIME I’ll go insane on his ass. I’ll fucking kick his GD knees and really give him something to complain about. FUCKKKKKKKKK!

AGAIN at lunch he was complaining about how bad his knees were. He always brings a can of soup and a bowl and some fruit for lunch. Well today he had a jar of peanut butter and some jam and a whole stack of bread. Someone asked him why. He said his knees hurt too much for him to look for a bowl this morning. AM I MENTAL? Instead of a can of soup and a bowl he grabbed two jars and some bread. WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE? Fuck that guy is such a GD baby. Men are lucky they don’t have to go through child berth, I’m pretty sure it would kill them.

Cornered...

Today at lunch I had to use the microwave. So I was standing at it waiting for it to finish. Who should come in and start talking to me? Yup tall creepy guy who wears the same shirt every day.

Something I forgot to mention about the 3-pitch tournament is that tall creepy guy totally tripped on NOTHING and flew through the air and landed on his knees and face planted into the backstop. THANK GOD I had a front row seat to that it was so fucking funny I almost shit my pants.

Anyway his knees were pretty bad and he had to sit the rest of the game cuz he was bleading all over the damn place. He apparently couldn't keep a bandage on his wounds.

So anyway yesterday he didn't have a bandage on them and I said thats retarded. He didn't know that the fibers from his pants get into the scab as its forming and in turn INFECTS THEM. What a gaytarded FUCKtard. I tell him there is a first aid kit in the kitchen and he should patch up his wounds. So he goes to it, 3 minutes later he comes to my desk and asks me to help him pick which bandage to use and he can't find some tape. So of course I had to do everything for him. Dumbass.

Ok so back to him cornering me today at lunch. He corners me at the microwave and procedes to tell me how the tape on the bandages hurts worse than the actual wounds. And it hurts when he bends his legs. Now I just gave you the short version but he went on and on. Like to the point that my lunch was ready and I was slowly walking out the fucking door while he was still talking. I'm pretty sure he was still talking as I was leaving the room.

I'd just like to say DAMN THAT 3-PITCH TOURNAMENT if it weren't for that I wouldn't have even had this problem. Since we were on the same team it seems he feels its ok to TALK TO ME. He's so wrong!

The Baseball Tournament

So I arrived at the baseball diamond around 7:45 am. Everything started well enough until The Idol (will explain in a minute) and I realized we had a couple of unexpected PSYCHOS on our hands. Well to be fair I did forsee The chick that butts into everyone's business being a psycho but not her husband. THEY BOTH WERE.

How bad could it be, you ask. Well, the chick that butts into everyone's business started yelling at people for one thing. Then the moment someone makes a mistake she tells them to move to a different position and SHE takes their spot. Now going into this I thought she woudl be a great player but it seems you should never assume things. Her skill level was not at all what I had expected. So we get through the first game realizing that we have to deal with being yelled at, we still won.

Our next game is when the shit hit the fan. Not only did we have the chick who butts into other people's business yelling at us but we now had her creepy husband who's pants were WAY too tight, yelling at us as well. NOT a good combo let me tell you. None of us on the team were very impressed to say the least. We make it through that game with a loss. No big deal as most of us just want to go home anyway. BUT we were told since we won one and lost one we might have to play another game. So we have to stick around to find out. So the Idol and I decide to go to the pub nearby and get some lunch. Some of the other people on the team decided to tag along INCLUDING Mr. Loudmouth!!! Mr. Loudmouth tells us that he idolizes someone on our team because she can hit well and feild the ball well. (hence her name "the Idol")

Lunch was pretty shitty because Mr. Loudmouth decides to ramble on and on and on and on and ON about his life in the navy and school before he worked at our company. In fact he wouldn't shut up about it. You couldn't talk about anything else because it would just remind him of himself and something that happend to him so he'd have to talk about THAT. FUCK!!!

Anyway we wait all that time to find out indeed we are playing another game. By this time everyone is sick of the psycho couple and their yelling and insane competitiveness. So the game did not go well. The husband psycho even had a fight with some people on the other team and some chick from the other team wanted to fight him. But the wife psycho was able to calm her creepy tight pants wearing husband down. The game went ok, we lost of course, big surprise and we all went home.

The moral of the story is don't EVER commit to doing some stupid company thing before you know the details of who, what, when, and where. One thing came of it though...I got a free shirt.

3-Pitch

Ok when I signed up for this stupid company tournament I didn't realize that I'd have to play the first game at 8am on a saturday morning. I thought maybe something like 10am. Boy was I wrong. I don't even wake up that early to fucking GET to work, let alone play some stupid baseball game which I HATE.

Well wait let clearify something. I love SOFTBALL but I hate 3-pitch. It shouldn't even be called baseball. It's for pussies.

So anyway I'm thinking of sabbotaging my team so we can all go home early. Though I have a feeling I won't need to do that considering our team is comprised of computer nerds. Maybe I'll spend the whole time in pain because everyone is so BAD. We'll see but I'm still not impressed at the whole be there for 7:30am for a 8am start time... FUCK THAT!

p.s - I just found out Mr. Loudmouth is on my team and I now know what he looks like. Another annoying guy I hate is on my team as well as the creepy tall guy that has worn the same shirt every day for 2 straight weeks. So this is great. Good thing there is going to be alcohol at this shindig!!!!!!!!!

Mr. Loudmouth

Ok I seriously can NOT stand the guy who works here who I have called Mr. Loudmouth. As a matter of fact I don’t even know who the hell he is. Meaning I have no idea what he looks like at all. But I can sure here him everyday promptly at fucking 12 during his lunch break. He talks about the dumbest fucking things and is the loudest person there. Today I heard him talking about his wife and shopping. He obviously is unhealthy since he was talking about how when he goes grocery shopping he always brings home shit like fruit rollups and she brings home actual fruit. He must be allergic to real food and can only eat pure chemicals and sugar. Tough life indeed. To be perfectly honest I really don’t want to sit here working and hear his dumbass conversations.

Now he’s talking about his “war” stories with his snowmobile. I’m willing to wager he’s just making all that shit up so he can sound cool and people will like to hear his dumb stories. Stupid people annoy me greatly and its nice that the WHOLE fucking office gets to hear their inane conversations about NOTHING which they laugh hysterically about.

Myth No More

Yes that is correct the Liger is no longer a myth!

For a couple years I had heard the term used on occasion. I understood it to be a lion crossed with a tiger. I always just thought it was something stupid people said. And also thought the idea of it was rediculous considering these two animals rarely cross paths and if they did they definitely would not hang out with each other.

If you look at this picture you'll notice the Liger has a mane like a lion but also stripes on its body like a tiger.

What exactly is a Liger you ask? A Liger is a product of a male lion and a female tiger. When full grown a male and female Liger will be larger than both its parents. The Liger is by far the largest cat on the planet. Here is an idea of just how large. The Liger occurs only in captivity as it is highly unlikely these two animals would ever procreate in the wild. It is presumed that the Liger is born sterile, not unlike the mule which is also a hybrid.

It can be 1000 pounds and when standing on its hind feet can reach 12 feet high. I know this sounds a little hard to picture so look at this to give you an idea of just how large this animal is.

That is fucking crazy. Look how huge that thing is. If the roles were reversed and a male tiger and female lion were to mate they would produce a Tigon which is the opposite of a Liger. It only reaches around 350 pounds as opposed to a Liger which can reach 1000 pounds.

Here is a picture showing you the difference between all four cats.

Good Riddance!!

I have a bit of sad news. The annoying chick is no more. As of last night around 4:45pm she was fired. According to my sources her superiors were sick of her fuck ups and just decided to can her. She is coming in on the weekend to collect her things. Apparently it was a mutual parting of ways. Which is a corporate way of saying we hated her and now she’s gone, in my humble opinion.

I have to say I’m elated. I was so sick of her stupid stories and hearing about how thin she is and blah blah blah. Goodbye annoying chick, you will not be missed! But now who will we make fun of on our smoke breaks and lunch times? Oh well you don’t often have to look far for a target. It could be YOU!!

The Annoying Chick!

As always the annoying chick really annoys me. Because of this I try not to have close contact with her. So this means I have to get my info about her from other sources around the office. That is why I haven't posted in a bit.

But today at lunch I asked her where she was yesterday because she didn’t come to lunch. She said “I forgot to eat”. I hate when she says that it’s so annoying. How can you forget to eat? As soon as I get to work I’m hungry and can’t wait for lunch. According to her when she’s stressed she just isn’t hungry. Well lucky for her skinny ass. What got me is she was talking about it in a bragging type of way. I just wanted to punch her and say SHUT UP no one cares if you eat or not. I think she is just trying to justify having a milk like substance instead of actual edible food. After saying how she never eats she preceded to tell us that when she was younger kids used to call her “the Ethiopian” because she was so disgustingly skinny. I almost spat out my food laughing. Other people expressed what seemed to me to be false sympathy. It was rather amusing. I can just imagine hearing the Ethiopian chant. This is the second time she’s brought this up and every time I laugh just as hard. I am starting to wonder why she keeps bringing it up. Of course no one really cares and every time she gets the same reaction. I think it’s a form of bragging that she has always been really skinny. When she was a little kid her school called her parents because they thought that she was anorexic. Can you imagine? That must have been really really horridly skinny. EW! I am the biggest person in our “lunch group” and it is really annoying hearing someone complain about how skinny they are. Shut the hell up it could be worse. YOU COULD ACTUALLY BE ETHIOPIAN!