Down With Emotions

Have you ever wondered what life would be like without certain pesky emotions? I do! How about sadness. Wouldn't it be great if you could never get sad. You could remember great times with someone who is long gone with happiness and not miss them so horribly.

What about Anger? You could say something to someone without them going psycho on you and not even listening to what you have to say. This would also stop people from being so damn defensive.

What about being able to hear the truth without getting hurt? and just hearing what someone has to say and taking it for what it is and NOT a personal attack.

I wonder if we would be like robots or something. Maybe not since we'd still be able to love, and be happy. Do you think missing those emotions would make you happier? I think it would. I mean without those emotions why wouldn't you be smiling all the time?

Or what about feeling the need to give a fake smile? wouldn't it be nice if you could get away with not smiling when you don't feel like it? That would be sweet. I'm so sick of giving people fake smiles, but then i don't want to deal with the probing questions that inevitably come along, like "What's wrong?"...NOTHING does something need to be wrong just because i won't SMILE AT YOUR STUPID JOKE or something that isn't funny to begin with????????

it would just be nice to be able to turn certain ones off if i so wished. or to tell people to turn their annoying emotions off.

Aw my dad just came home with flowers for my mom...i wonder what the occasion is. Rarely does he do this so it makes me wonder. I've never gotten flowers before. I'm not saying i feel like i'm missing out but you know it would really give me the chance to actually USE the million vases i have laying around that i've made. I guess its not that its flowers but the act of getting someone something for no reason that is nice.

Nice Evening

Well lastnight i met with that old friend from high school. We'll call her KT. it was like we never left high school. i was surprised it felt just the same.

It was also really nice to talk to someone who's in the same place as i am. its hard sometimes when all your friends seem to be further along than you are. you just get left thinking what the fucking hell? where did i go wrong?

but KT and i get to say that together, i don't know its just nice to have that person who understands. all our friends are either in serious relationships, getting married, or have kids. we're sitting there going fuck marriage we don't even have boyfriends.

Lately i've been feeling like all the fun times are over with. thinking of all the great times in high school and wondering why it all had to end just because high school did. people grow up and move on BUT I DON'T WANT TO DAMIT. i think to be an adult all the fun and life has to be sucked out of you, like its a prerequisite or something. there are some that have seemed to figure it out, but i sure havn't. i hope i do though. otherwise whats the point of living a life where you just go through the motions. i don't even care if i'm happy, i just want to have fun once in awhile.

KT and i have both been feeling the same way. we decided we need to kick the fun up a notch. why not figure it out together? sounds like a plan to me. we'll see though. people always have a tendancy to say things they never end up doing. i don't really believe anything anyone says anymore until i see it happen. most times its all talk or good intentions.

Bah, listen to me, depressing much? i think so.

fuck this

Anniversary!!

Today is my ONE year anniversary!!!!!!!

It is one year to the day that i almost died. Some fucking asian dude almost ran me over with his van when i was crossing the street ON A WALK SIGNAL. it was actually really cool. less than a half a second longer and i would have been in the hospital. that asian dude would have SMOKED me. good thing i have cat like reflexes after a few beers.

i know what you're thinking i was drunk but NO i only had two beers WHICH i nursed. and nursing beers is no small feat considering warm beer is fucking SICK. it was at a light. the right side of the road had three lanes a left turning lane then two driving ones. the other side of the road had 2. so we're walking across cuz we have the little walking guy. when i get to the first "driving lane" i noticed there's a fucking GREEN LIGHT for them to start driving. then i went RUN!!!! so my friends didn't notice but i started running. that's when i looked to my right and saw him. THE ASIAN DUDE. he was motoring in his cool kid van. he didn't see me till i slammed into the side of his shitty van. i hope i dented it. well he slammed on the brakes. i stuck my hands out and that was the only part of me that actually made contact with the van. so the momentum of the kid van made me spin. then i slammed my knee into the ground causing me to rip my FAVORITE pair of jeans as well as get a cut but who cares abou tthe cut, CUTS HEAL BUT JEANS ARE BROKEN FOREVER!!!! i was so upset.

so i got up and discoverd the rip which i was pissed about but other than the bloody knee i was fine. i'd had way worse from playing baseball so i was like lets continue to the bar.

being the fact that its winter the school parking lot had giant mounds of snow we had to climb over. then of course large sheets of ice from those sunny days it melts. so we mangaged to make it over the ice mound and we're walking laughing about how i got hit by a van then lester takes a huge dive and lands on her ass hard. and i mean REAL hard. like so hard you can't even laugh cuz you can feel their pain. i still cringe when i think of it. she is REALLY lucky she didn't break her tail bone.

so really if i hadn't looked over to my right i could be either dead, a cripple or maybe missing a limb, or broken something...i don't know but obviously a fucking asian dude in a kid van can't keep me down.

on another note today i decided to start my post-it war on the office. i only did two. i'm pretty sure only the one was noticed. on the one i put "look to your left" and there were cubicles to the left. i thought that was the funniest thing. and then when one of the 1pm lunch crew pointed it out to me she said "look what someone put, look to your left, there's nothing to the left i don't even get it" well that was the hardest moment. to not burst out laughing was so hard. the other one said "keep your left eye open" i know i know its stupid. but the thought of someone standing there staring at it thinking "is this supposed to mean something?" just cracks me up. even if no one ever does that the THOUGHT is what makes it so worth it.

oh ANNNNNNNNND i think no neck guy has decided to fucking join the 1pm lunch crew. what am i going to do? this time i was able to stare at the absence of neck because he had his back to me. is there a NO NECK ANONYMOUS group i could join?

The Whistling Building

My building whistles.

whenever it is really windy out a few areas of the building actually sound like someone is sitting there whistling.

It does it by my desk and in the lunchroom. there could be more places but those are the ones i'm in on a regular basis.I dont think i really need to say this but IT DRIVES ME FUCKING CRAZY!!!!!

when we first started to notice it we were in the lunch room. one of the 1pm lunch crew thought another guy was sitting there whistling trying to make her believe it wasn't him. it was the funniest damn thing i laughed so hard at her. he was literally just sitting there eating or chewing and she was all like "i know its you". oh man its funny when shit like that happens.

ALL THE RESTRAINT I COULD MUSTER!

OMG GUESS WHO I SAW TODAY

Yup NO NECK GUY. oh man it was awful. here i was eating my lunch meeting some new hot additions to the company when along comes no neck guy with pizzas.

it was hard enough with my shitty lunch sitting there smelling fucking pizza. but then no neck guy is RIGHT AT MY TABLE. It took all the restraint i had to not stare at his missing neck. hopefully he thought i was just staring at the pizza and not his ABSENCE OF NECK.

I eat at 1pm for two reasons:
1. Barely anyone eats at that time so its not so crowded in the lunch room. and i spend 8 hours at my desk so i'm not going to fucking eat there too.
2. Eating at 1pm seems to make the day go faster if that's even POSSIBLE!!

But fucking no neck had to ruin it for me. soon as he came the new hot additions LEFT!

Not to mention the fact that TCG has to keep eating at our time. No one really likes him and i wonder if he's really that oblivious or if he just ignores it since he has no friends.

But tomorrow i don't have to deal with it since i'm getting a free lunch because my cool boss is taking me out for lunch. we have to talk about a report that i have to write for my STUPID teacher.

Going through the same shit!

Today I talked to a friend I had when I was in high school. We never really hung out after school or anything but the classes we had together were always full of laughter. And you know I really believe a life without laughter is a life not worth living. I mean could you imagine a life of no laughing? Not even when you see some little kid riding their bike in the street and falling?

It seems we are going through the same things at the same time. Wondering wtf we're doing with our jobs. Why the hell don't we have boyrfiends. What is the point of life. That kind of shit I'm sure everyone goes through but you never really have someone you can honestly say "I'm doing really shitty and I don't see the point".

It was really nice to hear that I'm not the only one feeling shitty about all our friends being in serious relationships, pregnant, engaged, or married. And I must say its very nice to have a friend who has never had a boyfriend like myself. Yes I have friends who have boyfriends and I love them. But a friend who has never had one like myself is a different story. They know what I'm going through, they're the same age, and so on. Your friends can only be so supportive because unless they're going through the same thing they just can't identify.

me and this friend always say that we'll get together but I think this time I'm going to be serious about it. For a couple reasons. One: because for some reason I just feel the need to help people I care even a little about. Two: I really don't have any local friends because my only local friend who happens to be the best friend I've ever had, has moved away to start a new life with her boyfriend. As I'm happy as ever that she has really in essence begun her life I can't help but feel bad because I am left behind and left out. it makes me wonder if this friendship will even last. Realistically how many people who are practically married keep single friends? They usually want friends that are attached so they can double date or whatever it is that couples do. They just can't bare to leave their "other" alone for two seconds. Sure I sound bitter but Fuck you all who think that since I've never had the chance to feel otherwise so really I don't know any better. I am happy for her and I wish her all the best. And I really wouldn't blame her in the end if she decided our friendship wasn't meant to be. People grow and people change. Have you ever noticed how people say "this will never happen" or "I'll never do that" and years later they do the very thing they say they'd never do? it blows me away. Am I the only person who sees this? I think I am. I don't take those kind of comments seriously anymore because at 21 almost 22 I just know that people really do change between the ages of 20 and 30 that you just can't keep the promises to yourself that you thought you could.

I'd like to say that I would never hold a person to their promise they made years ago. But I'm totally the person that would
1. Remember that promise when they don't.
2. Hold them to it no matter what.
3. Be pissed when they don't keep it. Because in essence that's lying and I can't stand people who lie.

So I guess what I'm saying is I'm looking forward to rebuilding a friendship I once had. This will give me a friend who is local and I don't have to drive over 30 mins to see. Also I miss this person and would love to become real friends with her. Also I've decided I'm a terribly boring person who needs to get out more often. I never go out as I'm always watching a movie or TV or doing some stupid art project that ultimately gets thrown into a drawer or a box. it would be really nice if some smart marketing or business person came along and said "your stuff is amazing and I can sell it for tons of money. You'll have to quit your job and work on art stuff for the whole day." alas that is but a dream. And I suppose dreams are what they are to keep people going.

wow drunken posts are awesome. Good thing no one reads these stupid posts in the first place. If they did I would be embarrassed.

on another note I'd like to bid farewell to a fellow blogger I will truly miss. Video X is leaving us to comment only. I truly enjoyed her blog entries and I felt like I was getting to know a person I wish I knew in person. She is someone who no matter what has fun. I feel like if I was around her I would have a great time. I'll miss hearing about her fun times and her hard times. You can't have the good without the bad. I'll miss hearing about her drunken times as well. Its strange how you almost feel like a friend to someone you've never even met. For all I know she could be some crazy man in an abandoned warehouse stealing wireless internet making shit up for no reason at all except he's psycho.

obviously I don't feel that way but it could be true. Despite the age difference she is someone I think that I would totally be friends with. Though I'm not sure she'd be friends with me since I'm young and older people don't tend to be friends with younger people for some reason. Ugh blah I'm drunk don't pay attention to the person behind the curtain....................................!!!!!!

I guess I'm just sad and I don't know why and its been that way for awhile. What will fix it? Who will fix it? Can it be fixed? Is it just family life that's dragging me down? Will I always be this way? If so, do I want it to be that way for the rest of my life? I mean now adays people are living to 100. Could you imagine living for 100 years unhappy? Then, what would make me happy? Will finding someone make me happy? Would I be happier alone? Of course I don't think I'll find someone I mean obviously there must be something wrong with me if I'm so close to 22 and haven't even had a boyfriend....My parents have been together since they were 18. I'm so far behind. Then I hear my mother complaining about not having grandchildren. Which is weird since I have a brother who is 3 years younger than me...Does that mean she thinks I am her only hope? So sad. I really can't wait to be an aunt. I can have the fun of a child without the responsibility. AWESOME. I can't wait to give the kid toys that are extremely loud and annoying to bug my bro and his wife.

one thing that is annoying is that i type too fast for this stupid blogger. its really stupid and they should get on that.

holy LORD this post is long. meh who cares not like anyone reads it anyway. VX is the only one who really comments and now she's leaving................I'll miss you and if I never get to talk to you again I really hope all goes well for you in your life and nothing but great and amazing things happen for you! Listen to me you'd think I was losing a close friend or something. Bah...I get too attatched..I SUCK!! I'M GOING NOW... and i commend you if you made it to the end of this horribly long post!

I'M GOING TO DIE OF BOREDOM!

yes i'm doing something that many people can not do. i'm predicting my own death. I swear i'm going to die of boredom at work. i can only say THANK GOD there is one day left of the week. i should bring gin to work to dull the horrible pain that is my life! I don't know how much more i can take of this boring crap. Well i guess i do since my internship doesn't end until april. if i want to graduate then i suppose i'd better stick to it. If it weren't for that i think i would seriously consider quitting. It really is true that you need to do something that stimulates your mind. or maybe its the fact that the end of my project is no where near in sight. its like a giant cornfield where all you can see is corn in every direction. at first its an amazing sight. but after awhile you wonder where the hell the road is or is there any civilization? my job is not corn but i'm pretty sure corn growing on the stalks would be more interesting than what i do.

on a more happier note i finally remembered to bring my headphones so i could listen to music. i swear if i had to listen to one more stupid conversation about retarded things from the morons in the next cubicle i was going to jab a pen in my ears. plus it really helps when i'm bored and just pretend to work. at least i have something to listen to.

so alas i foresee an impending death. that death is my own.

Retarded City Names in the USA

Today I was doing some zipcode research and came across these RETARDED city names in the United States. Now i'm not saying Canada doesn't have some retarded city names, for example Guelph...wtf kind of name is that? I think the person who came up with it really enjoyed watching outsiders try to pronounce it because that's all that name is good for. BUT i'm researching the USA not canada

1. Great Neck, NY - what the hell? who came up with that name? were they high?

2. Yonkers, NY - Please tell me that is a native word or SOMETHING!

3. Little Neck, NY - Seems like new york has a fascination with necks.

4. Hackensack, NJ - I'm pretty sure the hackeysack was invented in this town.

5. Bethpage, NY - what the hell is a bethpage? And it can't be someone's last name either i mean BETHPAGE???? Hi i'm Beth Bethpage...

6. Hicksville, NY - I thot this was just something someone said to put people down, but its actually a place. so now when i make fun of people its a real place i'm saying they're from. Hicksville must have a very high population!

7. Fishkill, NY - how original, it would be funny if they didn't even have a lake or a river in this city. Maybe this is where people took their fish to be killed?

8. Pilgrim Gardens, PA - Are there gardens with pilgrims growing in them in this city? did pilgrims make some gardens that are still around?

9. Collegeville, PA - how much do you want to bet there isn't even a college in this city?

10. Christiana, DE - Hmm...i wonder what kind of people live in this city...

11. New Castle, DE - There had BETTER be a fucking castle in this city, i'll tell you that much!

12. Chevy Chase, MD - Yup, your eyes are not deceiving you, there is a city named chevy chase, i would be embarassed to say i was from there.

13. Mechanicsville, VA - i'm not making these up, i shit you not this is an actual city name. maybe they have a school for becoming a mechanic?

14. Fort Bragg, NC - you wouldn't catch me dead in this city i hate people who brag.

15. Mentor On The Lake, OH - hahahhahahahaha oh man, seriously people who came up with that one?

16. Pflugerville, TX - how do you even SAY that name? what rhymes with booger...

17. Seal Beach, CA - If i go to this city and there aren't any seals on the beach i'm going to be pissed off!

Wow either people have no imagination or TOO MUCH imagination. I can't even pick a favorite. Mechanicsville made me laugh out loud when i read it, but then so did mentor on the lake. i didn't know that a city name could have so many words in it. Next they'll be naming cities a whole SENTENCE.

Moved

The move went well and i managed to not have to work for the last hour of the day. Which i really enjoyed.

At first I wasn't happy with my new spot because my boss was practically right behind me so obviously she could just look up at my screen and see things that i was doing whether work related or not. I'm not some slacker, its just sometimes what i'm doing bores the hell out of me and i have to at least read an email or SOMETHING to keep from going insane.

I am sitting alone in this corner thing. I really like it. Its not so annoying. No people talking about retarded lame ass things. or just people in general talking about work stuff that has nothing to do with me but i can't help but listen since they're right there talking loud. Ugmo for the past few days literally coughed every three minutes. and its one of those extremely loud coughs. after only half an hour of even being in the office i was ready to snap. i don't even know how i made it through the day. i reall don't.

Also, I've noticed that my boss really has to sit up and make an effort to see my screen from her desk so that's awsome and now i have no problems with where i'm sitting. Now i just need to figure out some pranks i could do. its very hard since i'm sitting all alone and don't even have anyone close to do something to.

I have thought of something i suspect only i will find funny. I am thinking of putting sayings or a few words on post-its and putting them in various places in the office. of course these sayings or whatever will make absolutely no sense. i really enjoy watching someone try to figure out things that just do not make sense and no sense can be made of them. its hilarious. their faces scrunch up in this odd expression and you can see them thinking really hard. or maybe i'll put things like "look to your right" or "what are you looking at?" or "i'm watching you"...that would be funny too. the catch is placing these post-its without being seen. i don't care what anyone says it takes GREAT skill to be sly. so that is what i plan for now.

Well Isn't That Just Great!

Ok this had better be the last move I make at this stupid office. My department is changing desks around AGAIN. what the hell? apparently i'm going to be no where near my boss. currently we sit beside eachother. normally I'd be happy about that but i really don't mind sitting near her. and it makes it a lot easier to ask her questions or whatever i need to know. One BIG pro about it is that she won't be able to see my screen anymore. I can barely blog or read my emails. I have to do it so fast and with a tiny window. and have my head in a certain position so she can't see if she happens to look over. another con about moving is i have no idea who the fuck i'll be sitting with. What if they're annoying as hell and i hate them? What if they're narks and tell on me that i spend all my time on MSN and blogging? OR what if they stink? That would be bad too. I only hope that i can sit in a spot where i'll see my boss coming if she decides to pay me a visit which i think she will often. there's nothing worse than your boss walking up behind you and you have something on your screen you shouldn't. I can't even think who i'd be sitting with since my boss and i are the only marketing people in the department. Least i'll have more people to talk to i guess. but i'm still pissed that i have to move all my crap AGAIN.

HOLY SHIT wtf am i going to do if i end up sitting with ugmo? she's now in my department. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? ok now i'm really nervous. when we first moved into this building an email was sent saying respond with who you would like to sit with. EVERYONE responded saying they DON'T WANT to sit with ugmo. this is so not good. holy lord i'm going to be pissed off if i get stuck with her. and you know i bet i will since i'm just a lowly intern. FUCK I SUCK! i can't handle ugmo i know that i'll just snap on her if she even TALKS to me. ugh and the whole being fake nice to someone just cuz you don't want to deal with that awkwardness of you both knowing that you don't like her. i tihnk i'm going to keep a flask of kahlua in my drawer. i'll put it in the free hot chocolate. oh god i just thought of something else....this move might make me CLOSER to TCG....nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

that's it, its settled i'm bringing my headphones to work TOMORROW. that way even if i'm not listening to music i can pretend i am so i don't have to talk to anyone if i don't like them.

hmmm...this does give me a great opportunity to pull some office pranks since i won't be near my boss....anyone have any good ideas as to what i could do? For serious i want some ideas!

First Day Back

Well today was my first day back at work since the 15th of December. I will now be working full time until the middle of April. I am doing an internship. Basically I'll be doing the same shit I've been doing since may of last year. I did so bad today too. Fucking little shit towns in the united states with nothing to do in them. Its really annoying trying to find info on these cities.

The chick that no one likes came to my boss and started talking to her. She talks so quiet i couldn't make out what they were saying but it was loud enough to break my concentration. there's nothing worse than not being able to concentrate and then not even being able to eaves drop on what was breaking that concentration in the first place. god that chick is annoying.

I've been doing a major cleanup lately and found some things i either forgot i had or didn't know where they were. so that was cool. you know when you go "oh yaaaaa" when you see something you didn't know you owned.

i just noticed i have 20 bottles sitting outside my room on the bar waiting to be made into something. i usually make vases, candy dishes, pen holders, whatever out of them. i just havn't gotten around to it. i think its because what is the point. i make them and just throw them in a box because i can't bare to throw them out since they take 1-4 hours to make. but that hasn't stopped me from collecting some interesting looking shapes, sizes and colors of bottles. so i guess....what's the point? unless someone asks me for something then i enjoy doing it more i guess. its nice to see someone's face light up with what i perceive as being surprised. being surprised at how good it looks. and by that i mean how good it looks compared to what they thot it would look like which judging by their expressions was probably shit. I have all kinds of bottles, wine bottles, cooler bottles, vegetable oil bottles, juice bottles, pop bottles (the glass ones anyway) and...i don't know lots of glass bottles we'll say. they're pretty interesting to look at. you never really look at them you just kinda toss them out. it makes me wonder how they make them. especially the cool looking ones. with neat designs on them or colors. anycrap enough about bottles...i just have a lot of them.

i think i'm going to start work on a new project. yes i have one that's taken over a year now to finish but i'm just not up for that right now. I'm going to make a title page for my binder of movies. i've thought a very long time on the title and i've decided on "Time Well Spent" OR WAIT should it be "Time Well Wasted" hmm shit now i have to think some more on that. please let me know your thoughts!! Well I can at least look for the font i want to use. you know i'd say that's more than half the battle when creating something is the perfect font. i know it sounds stupid but i've spent more time playing around with fonts trying to find the perfect ones for what the words are or mean. most times i have to search the net for new ones that i don't have. i have a lot of celtic fonts actually. i think i'm addicted to celtic designs or anything celtic. there's just something about the simplicity and complexity of each design. i have great respect for people who can draw them and create their own. i know i couldn't do it. well anyway off i go to see what can be done.

My First "Tagging"

oh my goodness my "tagging" cherry has been popped. lucky for me i have a limited number of people who read my blog, and a large number of them don't even have a blog in which they can tag me so i at this point do not hate being tagged. so here it goes.

Four Jobs You Have Had in Your Life

1. Kennel Help (yes i cleaned up shit, bathed dogs, cleaned up shit, got headaches from barking dogs and cleaned up shit)
2. Shipper (i actually liked this job i got to ride around on a liftow all day instead of walking and i'm all for not walking)
3. Barn...Person...i dunno i just cleaned horse stalls
4. Marketing Assistant, this is what i currently do and btw the work i actually do isn't even fucking marketing. they should just call me the girl who does the shit that no one else wants to do but has to be done.

Four Movies You Could Watch Over and Over
1. Practical Magic
2. Steel Magnolias
3. Any of the Harry Potter Movies
4. #3 Counts as many movies but i'll find another hmm...A Night at the Roxbury

Four Places You've Lived
1. Surrey B.C
2. Mission B.C
3. Port Moody B.C
4. Rockwood Ont

Four T.V Shows You Love to Watch
1. Starting Over
2. E.R
3. CSI: Las Vegas
4. Lost

Four Places You've Been On Vacation
1. Mazatlan, Mexico
2. Kamploops
3. Muskoka
4. Algonquin

Four Websites You Visit Daily
1. Hotmail
2. VX's blog
3. hmmm...um...when i'm at work i visit our homepage...
4. porn sites....just kidding i couldn't think of another one to put

Four of Your Favorite Foods
1. Mashed Potatos WITH Gravy...there has to be gravy
2. Chinese Food, specifically beef and brocoli
3. I love most meat
4. Pickles

Four Places You'd Rather Be Right Now
1. Having sex
2. In My Own Home in the Country
3. hmmm British Columbia with family
4. I dunno not here tho for some reason

Four Bloggers You Are Tagging
1. Roxy
2. Since no one really reads my blog i have no one to tag so...there.

Well there you go. after completing this i have decided i am a boring loser. but i've also decided i don't really care cuz i'm too lazy to remedy the situation. another decision i've made is that i wouldn't mind having a boyfriend. i need something to do outside of the house and i think that would get me out and about...don't you?

Well anyway i'm still really pissed off and i need another rum and coke to drown the anger so i will big you farewell!